"When you are up, your friends know who you are, when you are down,you know who your friends are."

I have not done a blog post in quite some time due to my husband's accident after he returned home from deployment in 2012. I have seen my life flash before my eyes from almost losing my husband to seeing him walk again for the first time. We are still far from climbing up over the hill to get through this. I have been working as many hours as I can to pay our monthly bills, but it simply isn't enough to cover everything from our household bills to Ron's mounting medical bills from the accident. We have had a great support system from our church family(which we are extremely grateful for) and they have been very helpful to help us meet our monthly bills. I am just frustrated with life, I feel like I can't get the slightest bit ahead and something knocks us back down. Some days it feels better to simply walk away from everything and end my life,but I pray about it and God tells me otherwise--I have two dogs and a husband that need me here to help them through life. I have also lost a lot of friends who simply don't understand how I feel because they have never been through something like this. I also have gained some friends that have become family and for them I am extremely grateful for all of you. I just need some time to get through this, it has been a year and a half and the wounds from everything are still very fresh and raw. We also have turned to helping our fellow veterans who have helped us quite a bit as well. We have had to allow the Navy to end my husband's contract due to his inability to do the physical requirements. I am also a bit angry with the man who struck my husband and I have every right to be......he has caused a lot of unnecessary expenses for us that we cannot afford. Vehicles can be replaced, but the human life will never be the same, I have to see my husband walk with limitations and other health issues that we have to deal with for the rest of our life. I thank everyone who has showed us support,prayers,encouragement, you have been a great form of support that we need in life. No one can predict what happens one minute to the next. One blink and your whole life can be changed in an instant.

"When you choose to see the good in others, you end up finding the good in yourself."

Surviving the first night

Goodbyes are not forever.
Goodbyes are not the end.
They simply mean I'll miss you
Until we meet again!
~Author Unknown

Yesterday, I had to do one of the hardest things in my life, say goodbye to my husband for an extended period of time. I was glad to be able to go up to the gate with him and say my goodbyes. I shed a lot of tears,but the tears have finally stopped and now its time to get things accomplished. First thing is to get the dogs and I on a regular routine. They need to have some normalcy too, because to Ron and I, they are our children. I plan on doing a lot of reading and finding myself....there are things I want to do, I want to take a photography class, learn how to cook different foods, lose weight and get back to my old healthy self. I will need a lot of support from my family and friends, I can't do this alone. My husband needs to concentrate on this mission and I don't want to bother him with things that could lead to harm to him and his unit because he had to worry about how I was dealing with things back here. I am going to remain positive and keep pushing myself to get the goals I have set accomplished.

Missing someone gets easier every day because even though it's one day further from the last time you saw each other, it's one day closer to the next time you will.  ~Author Unknown

A lot of changes since my last post

I have been through the rough part of life that I am finally emerging from the ashes from.....I had ankle surgery the beginning of November to repair the tendons and ligaments that were damaged from years of playing sports as a child, the surgery was successful, just this first week of work is rougher then I thought, I come home and crash due to foot pain from getting the muscles working again. My husband and I are getting ready to go through another deployment, but this time it will be different because I have two dogs to keep me company and a full time job, so there won't be much time to sit around and feel sorry for myself, plus I have a deployment to do list that I want accomplished before the end and I WILL GET IT ALL DONE, but it won't be easy and I need to have support from my family and friends.

One day things will get easier

This past week has taught me alot about what is important in life and I also learned more about my husband. We experienced a very tragic loss on Friday of a friend and neighbor, he felt that he had nothing to live for so he decided to end his life and all it really did was leave behind all the family and friends that truly cared about him. No one ever saw the signs that something was wrong, but looking back they may have been there, we just were too busy with our own life to pay close attention. So please in the future if you know someone who is down on life, try and prevent another tragic death and help someone by talking to them or point them in the right direction of someone who will listen to them and help them.

I am not being negative, I just really have a lot on my plate and its overwhelming at times while looking at the whole picture, instead of taking things apart to analyze them and make them more managable. I am having ankle surgery in November, an upcoming deployment,and spending time alone for a while, which may be a good thing, but the part of my heart will be gone that helps me get through the days.....Love my husband and hope we get through this all.

Today was a rough day

This is not a blog towards anyone in particular.....

For those who don't know, my husband and I are struggling with fertility, we have been married almost 2 years and so far we have been unsuccessful in conceiving a baby of our own. Today was just one of those days that felt like a slap in the face because others around me are having children, and it makes me ask when will it be my turn? I am not getting any younger, the biological clock is ticking very very loudly. So if I seem agitated or quite frankly pissy its because every month that passes makes me feel like a failure because there is something physically wrong with me and it is extremely frustrating. Hopefully soon we can get the testing done and figure out exactly what is going on inside of me and my husband. So please dont get angry or upset with me, I just am very emotional right now, I love you all.